Sexy jokes

A man 80 years of age married a young lady. A year later he carried her to the hospital, and she had a baby. The nurse said to the man: ‘At your age, how do you do that?’ The man answered: ‘You just have to keep the motor running’. Another year passes, and the man carries her back to the hospital, another baby. The same nurse said to the man and asked: ‘You are something else, how do you do that?’. He said: ‘I told you that you just have to keep the motor running’. Another year and back to the hospital for another baby. The same nurse said: ‘You are unbelieveable, how do you do that?!’. He said: ‘You got to keep the motor running’. She answered: ‘Well, you better change oil, because this one came out black’. _----------------------------------------------- A man went to a strip club. When he got inside he noticed a seat conspicuously unoccupied in the front row. Seizing the opportunity, he took the seat. As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind him yelled, ‘Yeah baby! That's what I've been waiting for!’ The man in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look. A few minutes into the show, the dancer did a move and snatched off her top, revealing two pasties. The guy behind our friend goes off again. ‘Yeah baby! Shake those things.’ Our friend turned around and said, ‘Hey buddy, calm down!’ After a few moments, the dancer did another move, and snatched off herdress, revealing a very thin G-string. Again the man behind our friend yelled out, ‘Oh baby! You're almost there!’ Our friend again turned around and said, ‘Hey buddy, shut the hell up, will ya!’ A few minutes later, the dancer stretched out on the floor and snatched off both the pasties and the G-string, and the whole club went wild, except for the man behind our friend. Curious, our friend turned around and asked, ‘Say buddy, where's your enthusiasm now?’ The guy responded, ‘It's all over your back, dude.’ -------------------------------------------------- An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck. Suddenly he got up and left the room. As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, ‘Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it!. Be strong and I love you.’ After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says: ‘Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck....He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too.’